she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
