Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
