For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
