YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
