I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
