My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
