If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
