Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
