I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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