I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
