I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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