Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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