somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
