We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
where are you?
Hypothermia
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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