they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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