I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
