I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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