Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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