I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
handjob tips. give me some.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
