Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
