the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
