making cat noises will not fix the situation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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