he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I need to stop coming to work sober
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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