Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
