so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
