I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
smell my finger.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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