We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
