Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
