porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
