It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
