and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
