im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
