I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
