dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
