i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
