i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
