I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
