yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
