Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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