dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
