I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
