Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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