ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
