she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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