Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
