his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
