dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
