Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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