i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
