trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
