I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
