he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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